The Best of Joe R. Lansdale Contest Winners
From The Guardian:
"Let this volume introduce you to his uncensored, unfiltered world. He is a writer deserving of a wide and appreciative audience."
Now, let's get to the contest winners!
Revolution Science Fiction issued a challenge: write a horror story in 67 words, and make it fun and weird. The winners will receive a free copy of The Best of Joe R. Lansdale.
Here are the winning stories:
Day 1 Winner:
Eyes smoldered red, vicious jaws opened far too wide, razor teeth anticipated flesh.
The little dog charged.
Suddenly, Top Hat & Cane was moving. His dark cloak swirled, a ball of silver became a streak.
The small animal mewled with pain then a midget lay dead in its place on the sidewalk.
“Goddamn Were-Pugs.”
Top Hat & Cane readjusted his cloak, brushed idly at a lapel. -- Thomas Mueller
Day 2 Winner:"Tangled Hearts"
Battle ends, men scream. Night falls. Severed legs walk slowly to a pile, followed by crawling arms, which form a giant shape with multiple arms and dozens of legs, hundreds of fingers. A voice wails "never again," but a louder voice commands the arms to commence firing; the body disintegrates.
A mutilated head rolls out. "Told you to shoot that bastard in the mouth." -- Gay Fifer
Crash!
Marko’s front door tore away in a flurry of wood splinters. Beyond hovered a massive, phantasmagorical whale-like being, translucent and pale. Tentacles writhed around its mouth.
As one grabbed Marko about the middle and hauled him toward the cavernous mouth, Marko screamed, "Why?"
The whale boomed: "Your father only APPEARED human. He was really a ninth-dimensional plankton, and so are you."
Then it ate him. -- Allen Wise
"Bugs"
The secretary put the small brown box on the desk of Jack Watts, head of Warner Brothers’ animation department, and skittered away.
"Is it true?" Jack asked, absent-mindedly opening the box. "Has Bugs Bunny really joined Al-Qaeda?"
A nervous, sweaty underling adjusted his collar as Jack’s hand reached into the box and reappeared holding a bright red cylindrical object.
A lit stick of dynamite. -- Philip Burch
Day 5 Winner"Grammar Nazi"
Terror screamed through her brain as demand for performance meant everything. All she could see was the large expanse of black: board, boots, uniform. The crop snapped across her back.
“Wrong! That is not a sentence. It’s a FRAGMENT. Take her to the shower chamber."
As she was marched away, she nearly wept. No one told her grammar would mean life, and now, death. -- Rhonda Eudaly
-Congratulations to all the winners, and don't forget to click the links to read each day's awesomely weird runner's up.
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