Friday, April 23, 2010

The Best of Joe R. Lansdale Contest Winners

First off, congratulations to Lansdale himself for getting some well-deserved recognition across the pond:

From The Guardian:
"Let this volume introduce you to his uncensored, unfiltered world. He is a writer deserving of a wide and appreciative audience."

Now, let's get to the contest winners!

Revolution Science Fiction
issued a challenge: write a horror story in 67 words, and make it fun and weird. The winners will receive a free copy of The Best of Joe R. Lansdale.

Here are the winning stories:

Day 1 Winner:

Eyes smoldered red, vicious jaws opened far too wide, razor teeth anticipated flesh.

The little dog charged.

Suddenly, Top Hat & Cane was moving. His dark cloak swirled, a ball of silver became a streak.

The small animal mewled with pain then a midget lay dead in its place on the sidewalk.

“Goddamn Were-Pugs.”

Top Hat & Cane readjusted his cloak, brushed idly at a lapel. -- Thomas Mueller

Day 2 Winner:

"Tangled Hearts"

Battle ends, men scream. Night falls. Severed legs walk slowly to a pile, followed by crawling arms, which form a giant shape with multiple arms and dozens of legs, hundreds of fingers. A voice wails "never again," but a louder voice commands the arms to commence firing; the body disintegrates.

A mutilated head rolls out. "Told you to shoot that bastard in the mouth." -- Gay Fifer

Day 3 Winner:


Marko’s front door tore away in a flurry of wood splinters. Beyond hovered a massive, phantasmagorical whale-like being, translucent and pale. Tentacles writhed around its mouth.

As one grabbed Marko about the middle and hauled him toward the cavernous mouth, Marko screamed, "Why?"

The whale boomed: "Your father only APPEARED human. He was really a ninth-dimensional plankton, and so are you."

Then it ate him. -- Allen Wise

Day 4 Winner:


The secretary put the small brown box on the desk of Jack Watts, head of Warner Brothers’ animation department, and skittered away.

"Is it true?" Jack asked, absent-mindedly opening the box. "Has Bugs Bunny really joined Al-Qaeda?"

A nervous, sweaty underling adjusted his collar as Jack’s hand reached into the box and reappeared holding a bright red cylindrical object.

A lit stick of dynamite. -- Philip Burch

Day 5 Winner

"Grammar Nazi"

Terror screamed through her brain as demand for performance meant everything. All she could see was the large expanse of black: board, boots, uniform. The crop snapped across her back.

“Wrong! That is not a sentence. It’s a FRAGMENT. Take her to the shower chamber."

As she was marched away, she nearly wept. No one told her grammar would mean life, and now, death. -- Rhonda Eudaly

Congratulations to all the winners, and don't forget to click the links to read each day's awesomely weird runner's up.


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